Blank. Blank. Blank. Shit… I am blank. Every other day I feel more like a zombie than an actual human being. If I am honest, I don’t remember when was the last time I truly felt full of energy…Oh man, I need to help myself, NOW ! I don’t drink coffee nor energy drinks, and I don’t know why the heck I can’t stop writing while I sing. Every time I type a word, music comes out of my tongue. OH MY GOD, make it stop ! It is so late I do not function, I am exhausted, didn’t I told ya ? This needs to end, right here… I will start again and I will try to pretend that what I wrote it’s just not there.
I am tired, I truly am tired, but for some reason…I cannot sleep. I was planning to wake up early and write while being well rested, but because I can’t fall asleep, I have decided to do a little experiment. I want to see what happens when I allow myself to free topic at 11:40pm after a long day of classes and rehearsal. 1, 2, 3, GO !
These last few weeks I have been rehearsing for a play and I have been completely possessed by it. This production consists of monologues and, as you can see (hint, hint..First paragraph that it is totally NOT there) I can’t stop myself from thinking as one. Every time I see a typed word, I see the monologue. A script slowly being formed before my eyes as each letter progressively appears on the screen. Italicized, bolded, and italicized again… We were supposed to cover our faces. Even though I love theater, I can tell you that -based on the evidence- even a theater enthusiast like me needs a little break from it at 11:52pm.
I am planning to climb tomorrow, I need to wind down and I am so grateful for this sport because it helps me to do just that. I wrote a couple of weeks ago about my struggle to balance climbing with my other commitments and I have, thankfully, found a way to do so…Well, partially, but every step of the way counts. I am trying to go at least once a week and dedicate as much time as I can to myself through it. I have been working on a particular V2 that is killing me, an almost getting there V3 and a you are so close 5.11. I get so invested and into it that I forget the time I arrive at the gym and barely notice the one I leave at. It had been a while since I hand’t found an activity that would leave me both exhausted and relaxed, and you know what ? I love it… It is already 12:17am.
I am taking a lead climbing class the day after tomorrow, I am both excited and nervous. A friend of mine teaches it and I am looking forward to learn from him. That is one the greatest things about climbing, I believe.. I believe that its community of outdoor loving, adventure seekers is one of the greatest things about it. To learn from a friend, and then to be able teach that to someone else and become a friend is something that I do not take for granted. Can you be friends with the entire rock climbing community ? I am no sure about that… But we could try ? 12:31am.
I love to act, theater has been a part of my life ever since I was little; we first met when I was 8. I love physically and mentally demanding sports, they are a reflection of who I am; we first met when I was 17. I need to sleep, it is a basic human need; it is 12:36am.
Observation: Eyes are opened; mind wanders.
Problem: Cannot fall sleep.
Hypothesis: Cannot fall asleep due to overstress
Experiment: “Late Night Conversations”
Conclusion: I need to sleep.
thedihedral.com 
Lol
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Hi,
We have things in common. I am so sleepy I cannot stay awake through the day without eating chocolate and drinking caffeinated soda. I work outside the home and blog in all my free time. Yet at night, when it is time to go to sleep, I wake up and just want to blog some more.
Also, like you, I love to act
Maybe you can check out my blog if you need a blogging tip or too. That’s what I write about.
Janice
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Haha I understand how you feel and I am glad to know that I am not alone in this world ! So exciting that you love to act as well, that makes me even more happy that you took a chance to read my post and leave a comment on it. I will definitely check your blog out.
Thank you once again !
Gaia.
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Hi Gaia,
Thank you for your reply. I am looking forward to your visit to my blog.
Janice
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You sound strung out. At risk even but I hope that is wrong. I say it because a person who is as creative and productive as you are should not be blank. Not by their own description as it suggests a large chunk of doubt, that it was for me unforgivingly once. I changed some habits to end this blank as I figured I had been in the wrong somehow lifestyle wise for it to occur but I see now 20 years, (terrifying), yes 20 years later I should have stuck with the blank. It was not in fact blank but space, to breath though I felt I had literally stopped breathing (this can occur naturally at a very high level of fitness even as a kind of chronic numb feeling), to think though I mistook mental concerns for physical something.
P.s I note you are vegan (well I did note it on first vist correctly I hope), I had just been so for a year and then broken this only with chocolate for the next, preceeding this, 10 months. I certainly may have been worn out but potentially only for lack of even 1 or 2 days rest together for the first time in ages.
Anyhow, just some thought and i’d say you are thinking good, …. it is you who is thinking even if it is a bit challenging not that I can foresee what to say if the thinking becomes very challenging. I think what counts and I missed when physically very samey became mentally quite, um too, settled, was the planning I threw away by mistaking my progress as a dead end instead of a maybe a plateau.
Plateau is a common term in endurance sport training. It means watch out, don’t hammer at improvements just now.
Ta. A good read.
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