How did I put myself in this position ? Why did I allow others to influence the way I feel, the way I carry myself ? I know the hardships in life make you stronger and that by mere positivity effect, later become beautiful events of the past. However, I cannot help myself from wondering what made me fight so viciously and still exude an aura of unicorns, mermaids, and rainbows two years ago. I have been sucked by a whirlpool for almost 7 years and this time around, more than before, there is not much that I can do about it. There are many external forces shaping my current situation and the only thing that I can do now is wait. I wait and hope for the best. I wait and I put on the biggest smile for my son and for myself, even though I feel like I’m drowning.
I have to open up and confess that I have not been able to climb in almost a year. I have detached myself from mother nature and have lost that sensitivity that characterized me. None of the things that I’m writing make me proud and I blame myself for being conscious of this process yet not doing anything about it. It is so easy to get sucked by the routine and neglect the things that make you happy and that bring light into your life; yes people, I am guilty, but to be fair, aren’t we all ? Do not worry though, because this is the point where I stop to complain. I will move forward to talk a little bit about yesterday afternoon, because we all love a story about yesterdays and we all love a story about afternoons…
Tuesday afternoon was not an ordinary one… I woke up at 10a.m, my son prepared his own breakfast, and I was able to stay in bed and watch a show other than Spiderman, Wild Kratts, and My Little Pony. What the heck is going on ?! A little freaked out by the previous situation, I forced myself to leave the bed and took a much needed shower. There is nothing wrong with allowing yourself to rest and get lost on your TV every once in a while, but for someone like me, two hours is enough before the mattress starts sucking my energy and spirit.
After getting ready and putting some hours of work down, I promised my son that we would have a picnic like we used to in the past. He was very excited and could not stop talking about it on our walk to HEB. I was ecstatic too, I was in awe by the beauty of the growing flowers, the tiny turtle heads popping out of the water, and the soothing bird symphonies. I felt foreign, as if I had never experienced anything like it before. My son’s voice started to fade and the song of the birds became louder and distorted. When I thought that I was starting to lose my mind, the melody stopped and the cars took over. I definitely had not experienced anything like it before, but was not put off by it either.
We got back home and we were ready to heat our thawed pizza and vegetable wontons to start our overdue family picnic. We were more than ready to eat on our backyard and brought our snowman blanket along to protect ourselves from the ants. Sitting on top of the man’s face, I closed my eyes and focused on the breeze that caressed my face. The birds’ melody was taking over my senses again, and this time around it was clear and soft. It felt as if they were trying to tell me something, and not knowing exactly what, I still took their message. I know that I have a long way to go in order to reconnect with such a vital part of myself, but today I am grateful for the experiences, the breeze, the birds, and my son. I had never enjoyed an improvised picnic so much; even though my wontons were cold and my son’s pizza was rock hard, I cherish every second we got to spend “outdoors”
Thank you for taking some time to read me and share this journey together. I would love to know what motivates you, what are you grateful for ?
Much Love,
Featured Image Birds Wire Musical Notes
thedihedral.com 
Thank you for sharing your journey….Nature is my anti-depressant and what keeps me motivated to go back, be it the beach or the mountain. Even though I have ITB Friction, a sore shoulder which I haven’t had checked out yet, I’m grateful that I am still able to hike, despite the recent spate of violent crime on certain parts of our mountains.
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I am glad that you have found ways to keep you flame alive. I would love to resume my hiking, but I have to admit that due to what you mentioned last, I am somewhat afraid of doing so alone with my son. Also, make sure you get that shoulder checked !
Take care fatimasait and thank you for always reading us !
Gaia.
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This is very motivating in and of itself! I am grateful to work near a forest today, so that I can take a lunchtime walk in the collapsing spring snow. So nature, again!
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Yayyyy !!! I am glad that my post motivated you to take a lunch time walk, I hope it was a relaxing and inspiring one !!!
Take care,
Gaia.
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Thank you for sharing this. I have read it on a day when I need to reconnect (fate seems to bring me things just when I need them). I will buck myself up and go for a walk later. Sending positive thoughts 🙂
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Jillslawit, you have put a smile on my face. It makes me happy to know that you found this post at a time you needed it and that it motivated you as well, I am humbled.
Thank you,
Gaia.
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Definitely nature is my church! I live in Colorado so I spend as much time outside as possible. Nature and travel are what drive me the most. I say go climbing, it may be hard to get there, but when u do, you will be grateful and it may kickstart something inside. 😊
Today I am grateful for friends who stick by my side, and the fact I am going home today after a very long work week out of town. Yay! It sounds like tough times right now. Hang in there and go climb!
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Yes for Colorado ! I have never been there but is definitely on my list ! Happy that you have amazing friends and that you were able to go back home after a long week. I will perhaps climb soon in Colorado ? Hopefully !
Take care,
Gaia.
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we can help you find options when you are ready!! Hope you are having a good day.
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Thanks for writing this post! I too fall victim to my own routines that take me away from places I want to be, experiences I want to have and people I want to spend time with. As you mentioned, being conscious of that process and not doing much about it can be entirely frustrating. Why do we do that to ourselves? The answer isn’t clear, nor is it he name for everyone, but the first step in answering it comes with the acknowledgment. We got this!
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We definitely got this T.W.Dondanville !!! Let’s work hard !!!
Gaia.
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Good heartfelt post. We are all lucky to have Spring come our way every year to remind us of rebirth in both nature and our souls. All too often, we fall into lockstep with the day to day and do not have the energy to break free. Anything worth doing or having is worth the effort. Glad you got out for a picnic. Time with children is precious and fleeting.
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Grateful for what Spring embodies, you could not have expressed it any better !
Thank you for your words,
Gaia.
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Thank you for sharing! I too am grateful for nature – and also… relationships. Constantly amazed by the beauty in the people around me, and hope I will never take that for granted 🙂
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Never ever take it for granted 🙂
Much love,
Gaia.
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I’m grateful for you guys (honestly!) that you’re writing, climbing, traveling, questioning. That’s a gift. I’m otherwise grateful right now for the amazing early spring light in the San Luis Valley this morning. For my great dogs. For the wonderful doctor I’ve found to repair my hip so that I can — yes — run again. Imagine. Hang in there and keep going outside. ❤
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Where i live is in a valley. Several times a week i drive to the city limits and every exit is higher that where I was. Many times an animal, a beaver, deer, cow, horse, or a wind swaying the cedar trees will welcome me to follow the path. When I do, it moves my spirit higher and healthier. Also on the highwires of power and light poles are birds i notice, and when i move their way, they change places acknowledging what I do is right, as the instruction of their Creator.
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Life is so abundant with cycles… I too have had circumstances that kept me from being in nature and doing the things I love to do. Hang in there and know that your time will come again and you will have a deeper appreciation of its worth. The kind of afternoon you described will keep the flame alive.
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Last month you ran a post called “Living Dangerously”. I didn’t respond then, but it seems apropos again. Truly living dangerously is making yourself vulnerable, opening yourself up to unknown possibilities, including learning something new or being seen as a fool; putting yourself on the line and not hiding behind a persona. This post epitomizes living dangerously. Thank you.
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Nature connects us with who we are it fills the void space with tranquility! nature always inspires to grow and keep flowing.
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At my age, I don’t try to climb mountains with ropes etc. I do get out as much as possible; hiking, biking and soon kayaking. The bird warbling their hearts out always soothes. My mother, at age 92 would get out her cane and walk and enjoy nature no matter how much her knees hurt. That is my goal, to always find a way out to connect with and enjoy the real world.
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I found this post powerful and moving. Like many of your readers, I can relate to the sentiments that you express and it’s nice to know that we’re not alone. I appreciate you sharing such an authentic message and I’m truly grateful for your courage and honesty.
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This is so powerful yet subtle,really beautiful
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Thank you for sharing this. It’s beautiful when we can stop and do things we don’t normally do. What motivates me is seeing others reach their fullest potential and connecting with others in real, deep ways.
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I won’t say nature is my Safe Haven, in fact I won’t say I have one at all but what I am most grateful for is life. Yes, it can be frustrating and saddening but it brings opportunities, experience, people and a lot more than we can ever understand. The fact that I am still alive motivates me to want to stay alive.
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Your gratitude is awesome and beautiful. Thank you for sharing 🙂
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There were a few moments where I related and connected with your words so strongly I was literally smiling at them while nodding my head. First off, thank you for sharing that – it made my day.
Second, I am currently knee deep on shit that I designed for myself. No external forces are responsible for where I am today. And yet, I promised myself the same thing you seem to have: I will wait and I will hope. This battle against my hand-crafted whirlpools makes breathing harder for me, much like your drowning. But I will wait. And I will hope for the best.
Third, I am grateful for my resilience. That is the reason I stand every morning and bring joy to the people around me. I am grateful for the people around me, every single one of them. Because they teach me to breathe and appreciate air and life. I am grateful for the simple things in life I can not overlook like most others. Like breathing. Like living.
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The birds are calling indeed. My work has turned all green over the past couple of days…#becometheartisyouare process.
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God speaks through nature (Psalm 19 : 1) He is always ready to bring loving messages to his children.
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Reblogged this on ReBirth: The Pursuit of Porsha.
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I feel the same way, but about my garden. I stopped gardening for two years because life got in the way. I started again this spring and it calms my soul to be silent with just myself and my plants, listening to the wind in the trees and the birds in the air. We all have that thing. Yours seems to be climbing, mine gardening. ☺️
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Weirdly past obstacles that I’ve gotten through motivate me! I am overly grateful for my family, friends, my guy, and the city I’m surrounded by.
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That’s a great point. Confidence definetly helps. Thanks for the comment 🙂
– Casen
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I am grateful God speaks to us through nature – birds, trees, seasons. Thanks for the like at DailyBiblePrayer. Check out my other blog HearMoreFromGod.wordpress.com. I pray it will help you tune in to what God is saying all around you. God bless your week.
Laura
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