By thedihedral Posted on

Karen the Climber

I don’t know why, but the “Karen” memes smack!  They always give me a chuckle.  The haircut, the aggressive tone, and when she wants to talk to the manager it’s lights out. Every. Single. Time.  

I like the iteration of Karen that has “Live, Laugh, Love” crafts from Hobby Lobby plastered all over her house, and I like to imagine that when Karen is feeling a little frisky you might find her with some rhinestones bedazzled to the back pockets of her mom jeans.

The existence of a haircut called ‘The Karen’ kills me, I can’t look at that hair style and imagine anything other than her wanting to speak to the manager.  So, like everything else in my life, I wanted to see how “Karen” would connect to the climbing world.

The natural spot for a “Karen” in the climbing world, would be the mom of a team kid.  No one would be safe, the setters, the coaches, the other climbers, the comp. judges, the managers would be so busy if “Karen” were a team kid’s mom.  My guess is that aside from an over-flowing complaint box, the gym would have to enact the manager façade protocol to allow the other managers to do their jobs.  I don’t want to spend too much time on “Karen” the team kid mom, because we’ve all seen her.  Just writing this article is giving me PTKD (Post Traumatic Karen Disorder), and this article is supposed to be fun.

Created by our friends1 @Chossymemes

I wonder what would happen if we threw that reverse mullet on a litany of different climbing types?

Let’s investigate!!!

Karen the Gym Climber 

  • Reasons she would speak to the manager.
    • The hold spun.
    • Bathrooms are loud.
    • Floor Chalk.
    • Water Fountain is too low/high/warm/cold.
    • Climbers are too loud.
    • Music is too loud.
    • Somebody whipped.
    • Somebody smells.
    • The lockers seem unsafe.
    • Too Hot.
    • Too Cold.
    • The belay is too close/far.
    • There should simultaneously be more and less slack in the system.
  • This list is never ending – we’d have to enact the manager façade protocol early and often.

Karen the Sport Climber

  • Reasons she would speak to the manager.
    • There doesn’t seem to be a manager?
    • Does anyone know who the manager is?
    • Who manages this mountain side?
    • Is there a manager on duty?
    • These shoes are too tight.
    • My harness seems too loose.
    • I saw someone smoking marijuana.
    • Is there a reason this choss is still here?
    • These bolts are really far apart.
    • Do you have any heat lamps?
    • This headlamp seems dim.
    • The belay is too close/far.
    • There should simultaneously be more and less slack in the system.
    • “WHERE IS THE FRIGGIN MANAGER?”

Karen the Boulderer

  • Reasons she would speak to the manager.
    • The exact same as Karen the Sport Climber, PLUS…
    • Does this Crash Pad seem safe?
    • That person isn’t wearing any pants.
    • What do you mean there are no bathrooms?
    • SERIOUSLY, does anyone know who manages this rock?  What the front door!

Karen the Trad Climber

  • Reasons she would speak to the manager.
    • The exact same as Karen the Sport Climber, PLUS…
    • This nut is too tight.
    • This Cam seems heavy.
    • This tape is too sticky/not sticky enough.
    • Where are the anchors?
    • Did someone seriously shit in this crack?
    • “Dear GOD, I’m climbing a spicy splinter, on a nasty runout with limited pro, somebody shit in this crack right where my hand jam is about to be, there is not enough chalk in the world, let alone my bejeweled chalk bag to cleanse my fingers of this foul desecration, is there any way you could see fit, that I might speak to the MANAGERRRRRRR?”

Of course, all of this is in jest.  WE love Karen, it’s easy to make fun of her, but Karen’s aren’t afraid to say what needs to be said. Yes, sure they aren’t afraid to say what doesn’t need to be said as well, but we gotta take the good with the bad.  Also, Karen is kind of right, you saw how run-out those anchors are, someone had to say something.  Another thing I like about Karen is that you know she is bringing the goods when it comes to crag snacks, if anyone is cutting their PB&J on the diagonal it’s Karen, and she might not like the way you chew, but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t feel happy just to know you’re enjoying her food.

Plus, couldn’t The Karen Hairstyle work as the perfect climbing helmet?

What is the manager so busy doing anyway?  Go speak to Karen you goon, all she wants to do is find a way for all of us to live, laugh, love!!!  

BUT…

If I offended any Karen’s out there, you can reach my manager by writing an email to theDIHEDRAL@gmail.com

Carrot (Co-writer)

  1. @chossymemes has the dankest memes at the crag, check ’em out, it won’t be a disappointment!
  2. The “Karen” is not an actual Petzl product, and is not available for purchase.

22 Replies to “Karen the Climber”

  6. jonicaggiano says: Reply

    Pretty funny piece I am glad to know that Petzl product. Also nothing like a good PB&J when you are really hungry. Have a blessed night. Love Joni

    Like

      1. jonicaggiano says:

        Blackberry Preserves and crunchy. I love a great PB&J. Have you ever tried a banana sandwich – mayo and thin sliced banana and that is also good with peanut butter. You have a great night my friend. Maybe get out the makings. Love 💕 Joni

        Liked by 1 person

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