Do you remember Stefon?
Stefon was a Saturday Night Live (SNL) character played by Bill Hader, who made bizarre recommendations about fictional nightclubs on “Weekend Update”. He would provide the “hottest tips” about underground clubs for New York City tourists. His suggestions were always surreal and chaotic, and his descriptions typically began with the line, “New York’s hottest club is…”, followed by an insane name and the recurring phrase, “This place has everything…”.
A few memorable examples of Stefon’s recommendations include:
- Maaarry: A club “currently going 90 miles per hour down the West Side Highway” that has “everything: charts, graphs, PowerPoint, a guy who still thinks Jamba Juice is still good for you”.
- Your Mother and I Are Separating: A burned-down Red Lobster that features “those shoes that nurses wear”.
- Selfie: A SoHo hotspot “located in a haunted diaper” with “everything: sheets, ladders, the outdoor concert from a Zoloft commercial”.
- Pants: Located on “that fake street from Seinfeld“, this “bedbug bridal barn” has “everything: Hopscotch, double dutch, Oogieloves, sling and mesh bladder implants, the table from Charlie Rose”.
Stefon was a legend whose biggest fault was that he didn’t exist and his recommendations weren’t real.
Fortunately for us, I am friends with a real-life incarnation of a Stefan-like expert whose recommendations are always 100%! The only difference is that Stefan was recommending clubs in NYC, while Tessa (which coincidently happens to be Stefan spelled backwards) recommends outdoor gear in Alaska.
From my boots to my glasses, Tessa has put me on to the finest gear from the underground!
Her latest recommendation has me spun! Gloves! Gloves seem simple enough. There are just a couple of options in terms of style and insulation but essentially gloves amount to some material sewn together to protect one’s hands. Or at least that is what I thought until Tessa hit me with this.
Axeman: Alaska’s hottest hand garment is a Glitten. This Glove/Mitten has everything. It offers the warmth of a mitt and the feel of glove. Once featured in an unscripted documentary about Stephen Tobolowsky that was never recorded, these glittens were originally said to be the appurtenance of Wiggler the caterpillar like creature in the Forest of Illusion from 1990’s Super Mario World.
Failing to put much thought into Tessa’s insane endorsement, I tried on the Axeman, and WOW! I was taken away to a universe I didn’t realize existed. A Venn space where comfort meets utility, and luxury meets function. These aren’t just gloves, they are pillows for your hands, cushions for your soul!
These hand pillows are warm, water repellent, and durable. They are made for everything from chopping wood to toasting crystal champagne glasses, and they come with a ringing endorsement by Stefan of the North!
Recommendation: Cold Weather-Approach
Specs: Naturally water-repellent tan full grain cowhide provides long-lasting durability from wear & tear, while shielding the hand from punctures & abrasions.
MSRP: $32.99
Website: Kinco Axeman
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