Have you even been out on a climbing trip when all you want is sun, but all you get is rain. Have you even been stuck in your van, with no motivation to read, no electricity, and no wi-fi? Sometimes a life of van living can be anything but the adventure you had set out for. We all have those moments when a simple case of the Monday’s lasts well into Thursday, and another round of solitaire just won’t do.
We here at theDIHEDRAL feel your pain, and that is why we invented Dort and Dan Dirtbag. The quixotic and platonic duo designed to make those long hours pass like the virgin ascent of a 5.7 at The Red.
All you need is a pair of scissors and heaping of imagination, so dig out that multi-tool and sharpen those shears, because it’s time to have some fun.
Let me introduce you to Dort…there is no crimp to small, or crack too wide to keep Dort off the rock. Dort comes with everything a climber could want, including rope, a headlamp, a harness, some shoes, helmet, some fresh sunnies, a chalk bag, a knee pad, there is even plenty of hydration, and a clif bar should Dort get a little hungry at the crag. Is that the Revo I see Dort Belaying with, it sure looks good with those approach shoes. And she has plenty of outfit combos to keep her looking fresh no matter what the weather throws her way. Get her ready and watch her go. Why, if you look just right, you may just witness Dort flash the 5.15c right up the wall of your van.
DORT DIRTBAG
You might be alone in that old reliable van of yours, but that doesn’t mean Dort is flying solo, because along with Dort you have full access to Dan. Having trouble with that dyno through the crux? Maybe Dan can show you how it’s done. With Dort on belay Dan will have all the beta he needs. Keep an eye on Dan and watch him send the dash board, the window, or even that mini fridge over there keeping your chocolate soy milk cold (looks like a 5.11c if you ask me) Dan’s only climbing limit is your imagination. With all the climbing gear needed, and a stuff sack to hold it in, (there’s even a beard option if Dan hasn’t been near a razor in a few days) Dan is ready to go. He’s only waiting on you…so what are you waiting for?
DAN DIRTBAG
AND finally, no dirtbag cut out set would be complete if there wasn’t a place for our friends to call home. Some homes have a foundation of concrete, this home has a foundation of love. Love for climbing! They call her Whitney, but you can call her whatever you like. She’s a beaut, and she comes with a fresh pair of shoes, a carrier option, a camp stove, a solar panel, some sick decals, a satellite dish, built in climbing holds, and your very own crag dog. SHE. IS. A. BEAUT.
Whitney the Van
So, the next time you are stuck indoors, and can only dream about the next ascent, make that dream a reality with Dort and Dan.
A gift from us to you,
with love,
theDIHEDRAL
thedihedral.com 
Not to mention the high altitude climb where the mist freezes and everything you touch is ice and gloves don’t cut it because you just can’t feel the rock. You back down and wait for the weather to give you a hint of defrost.
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Haha, that is a fantastic point joliesattic, maybe I need to do a follow-up post where Dort and Dan go ice-climbing! Time to break out the axes!
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Yup! LOL
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Dort and Dan are a good diversion.
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This is adorable!
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Shelby, that is a great description! Thanks for saying so.
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Great post, I’m going to keep these for the kids for a rainy day. Oh, it’s raining now, yippee!
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That is brilliant, you have to let us know if they like them, or if they are a bust?
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Reminds me of flat stanely from when I was a kid! My current set up is dirtbaging on a motorcycle (soon to change tomorrow) and this makes me wish I had a van 😦
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Ha, Flat Stanley was one dapper man, I remember that guy! I hope the move from the bike went well ClimbColombia! That van life dream remains always in our hearts as well!
In addition we got your other message, please feel free to contact us regarding a guest post, we would love to go over some ideas with you? You can contact us through the “Community” tab, or write us directly at thedihedral@gmail.com
Thanks for the message!
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Clever! Thanks for climbing by my blog. I’m a bit rock climbing challenged, but I enjoy your creativity.
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Thanks for the comment livevigorously, I’m happy you got a kick out of this. Cheers to your rock climbing moving in the right direction!
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Paper dolls! What a riot! : )
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Lokispeaks, Dort and Dan are honored to have a God approve of their existence. They hope one day they may be so lucky to climb the storied branches of Yggdrasil.
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The underwear needs to be removable too. I’ve done more than my share of hiking, au natural.
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Hilarious! Love it! Also love what you guys are doing! If you could check out my website that would be awesome! http://www.runoutreviews.com
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