Lapidem Frater

Are you familiar with the term Lapidem Frater?  If not, let me try and illuminate this wonderous species of homo sapiens more commonly known as the Boulder Bro.

The Boulder Bro can often be seen working the proj. sans shirt or at the very least sans sleeves.  Aside from the defined muscular build, and affinity for sleevelessness, calloused hands amount to their most distinguishable physical feature.  

The Boulder Bros most recognizable feature however is their oration.  They use a vernacular widely tossed around within the climbing community in lieu of common colloquial speech.  This vernacular extends beyond the gym and crag to all common interactions from work to familial relations.  One should never be surprised hearing a call for “beta” when it comes to any example of instruction no matter how menial.  Examples abound.

Bro, you got any beta on how to acidulate a blanched bricolage of mixed greens?

Yo, like, I took a wrong turn and my cell has no service, you got any beta on how to get to J-Tree?

Mom, Dad…me and Chad have decided to adopt a child, do you have any beta on how to raise a baby.1

The liberal nature in which a Boulder Bro will drop an iteration of the word “send” in common articulation equally rivals their tendency to declare “beta”.  Again, examples abound.

I needed to close the Johnson Account today, and I’m pretty confident I sent it, so let me know if you need any beta on that Thomas Account.

I know you need at least 90% to send your Calc class, I’m pretty sure I got beta on the review, so let me know if you want to study together.

Ma’am the reason I pulled you over today is because you sent that school zone going 35 in a 20, that is untenable beta, and fines double in a school zone.

Although often denied, Lapidem Frater has a close resemblance to Exercitium Mus and Litore Profugus (Gym Rat and Beach Bum).  And while there can be an overlap between the climbing dirtbag and Boulder Bro, one does not necessitate the other.  

Like the Exercitium Mus and Litore Profugus, the Lapidem Frater will usually celebrate the success of others in the same species.  To hype your bro, is almost as necessary as climbing without sleeves, and equally necessary to understanding that the word “bro” can be used to emote nearly any feeling.

Your bro falls off the proj. = BROoo

Your bro sends the proj. = BROOO

Your bro nearly falls but then sends the proj. = BROoOoO

Your bro nearly sends but then falls of the proj. = BRoOoOo

Your bro loses a loved one = bro

Your bro gains a loved one = Bro

If there is a feeling to emote, there will always be an accompanying “bro”.

The Boulder Bro sustains itself on a diet of chicken breast, greens, and protein shakes.  Their workouts are focused on very specific gains.

Bro, I need to send this workout on my supraspinatus in order to get the gains for the crux on my proj.

Shoulders for boulders Bro!

Shoulders for boulders Bro!

Carrot
  1. Whatever accent you used to read these quotes is absolutely the right accent.

23 Replies to “Lapidem Frater”

  1. Well, sonny, back in the day, the phrase “you know” had a similar range of colloquial meanings most of which were not the denotational “you know,” bro.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Martha…please always call people sonny!!! I can envision “you know” filling in multiple gaps!!! I think it’s the exact same people in different times.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. So glad ya liked “Hunity’s Big Two.” I’m always tickled to add to my esoteric vocabulary and you “done” it with this post. Although, I could use some more examples of “sent.” 😉 Great blog, which I will follow.
    Oh, BTW when I hear “dihedral” I think of the Lockheed F-104 Starfighter, whose wings famously had a “negative-dihedral.” Awsome little dragster, but it couldn’t turn so great (at mach 2) 🙂 Cheers! VMK

    Liked by 1 person

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