Editor’s Note: This article is parody, and in no way associated with La Sportiva or Vibram.
First came a desire.
Climbing was born from desire. A desire for adventure, a desire to learn, a desire to ascend beyond what was thought humanly possible.
From that desire grew a need. A need for skills, tools, and safety.
La Sportiva has been at the cutting edge of inspiration for 90 years. At La Sportiva our desire is and has always been to satisfy your desire.
That is why we work with the greatest partners to offer you the greatest gear in the entire climbing industry. From climbing shoes to skins, from knee pads to chalk buckets, La Sportiva is always leading the way.
Working with industry leading rubber manufacturer Vibram has allowed us to create and maintain the most recognizable climbing shoes on the market. Whether it’s our award-winning classic TC Pro, or our award-winning eco-friendly Mythos ECOS, or our award-winning lace-up Muira, or our award-winning Velcro Futura, or our award-winning slip-on Mantra, La Sportiva is always leading the way.
Well, we are proud to announce that we have done it again, again.
From the creative minds at La Sportiva, and the cutting-edge technology of Vibram Rubber comes our newest line.
The La Sportiva Dentas.
After years of research and interviews with some of the top climbers in the world we came to understand that while climbing, three points of contact seems optimal, and four points of contact is secure, but we have overlooked the ultimate and the obvious five point system.
Until right now we have been limited to our hands and feet, but with the La Sportiva Dentas, a whole new world of possibilities has opened up.
With the La Sportiva Dentas the impossible becomes possible. Imagine a third option with which to crimp, imagine a no hands rest with which to shakeout. Imagine the possibilities. 5.16, 5.17, 5.18. The La Sportiva Dentas opens the door to the future of climbing.
Made with the stickiest rubber and form fittingest technology, the La Sportiva Dentas offers a level of strength and durability that will have you sending harder than ever before. The Vibram XS BITE is the most advanced molecular technology that rubber has ever worn.
First came a desire, and now comes The La Sportiva Dentas!
Climb hard…with your teeth.
- This is a parody. The La Sportiva Dentas are not a real product, and theDIHEDRAL recognizes that climbing with your teeth is unsafe and does not recommend even attempting to use your teeth while climbing.
thedihedral.com 
🤭 I very much appreciate your sense of humor! Thank you for this.
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Beanie, that is so nice to hear, thank you for the comment!
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Love your sense of humour. Love the disclaimer inclusion too. I am so naive in climbing matters I’d be internet searching out of curiosity. Cheers and all the best.
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Haha…part of me thinks this has some potential, but then I come back to earth and know it would be absolutely terrible. All the best to you too!
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It gives a whole new perspective to clenching to one’s teeth- especially when one’s entire body is entirely, and literally, hanging on the line! 🙈😹😂
Great, creative post!
Humor and lightheartedness keeps us very healthy. Laughter is so good for our hearts, mind and soul,
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That is such a nice comment, thank you!
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silly carrot!
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Haha…fun stuff for sure!
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It is a bit sad that you had to label this as parody, though I do like the final phrase about your not recommending it. I guess that’s why you couldn’t include a photo of yourself using the product – though that would make for a great selfie! (Just don’t smile.)
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I agree, I really wish labels for things that are pretty obviously silly are such a bummer. Imagine living at a time where we have to warn people not to do things like eating tide pods.
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Any news on where we can get it resoled? And what’s the wear pattern supposed to look like. The points will wear out first I guess. But is there a different rubber profile around it? Thinner on the inside edge which shouldn’t see as much use.
I do trust my usual cobbler to do a good job on the resole but not sure I want his shoe covered hands around my mouth.
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Pete, these are great questions, I’ll forward them to the design team at once!
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Next question for the team. What are the new climbing calls. As it might be a bit hard to understand your partner half way up a wall using this new device. Are we switching to whistles or canned air horns with 1 blast for slack, 2 for take, a long blast for I’m scared.
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Another great question. For an extra $49.99 we’ll include what we are calling a spit rope. A tiny 1mm non-dry static rope attached to a tiny rubber quickdraw attached to the Dentas at one end and then girth hitched to the climbers harness at the other end.
For a quick command just spit and shout.
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You better hope that La Sportiva’s lawyers don’t put the bite on you… 🙄
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Haha…that is scary and funny at the same time!
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You really sank your teeth into this one…
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*shaking head*
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I definitely agree try not to climb with your teeth. 🦋🥰
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It’s just solid advice!
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