Cragies and Snackies

Two years ago, around this time we put a spotlight on Outlaw Tamales in North Pole, AK.  We wanted to try and find another Christmas themed destination this year, but with a few added stipulations.  We wanted to prioritize a place that would make climbers feel like they were in a Hallmark Christmas movie, and a place where there was the potential to actually climb rocks without needing an entire ice kit.  It took a little digging, but I think we pulled it off!

Let me set the scene!

You and your friends need an escape for the holidays!  Your boss is the worst, you’re too far from home, your work/life balance is way out of whack, and your partner (maybe a fiancé) has seemingly prioritized their work over you!  Hmmmph! 

A weekend getaway is exactly what you need! “It will do you some good” (your supportive mother proclaims as she encourages you to live, laugh, and love yourself).  So, you pack up your gear, grab a few friends and head to Big Rock Mountain in South Carolina.  Big Rock contains a series of protruding granite rocks and is sometimes referred to as Little Joshua Tree.  There are over 130 routes, comprised of a good mix of styles, including Sport/Trad and bouldering.

Big Rock is one of the best winter climbing destinations east of the Mississippi (I love typing M-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i, it always comes out with the cadence that we all learned in elementary school).  Access is pretty easy to navigate, and each of the climbing walls are well maintained in the winter.  There are several areas at Big Rock Mountain, but if you are limited in time, I would recommend hitting The Main Wall and Big Rock Boulders.  The Main Wall has 21 routes ranging from 5.7-5.12.  Most of the routes are trad, with a few multi-pitches, but there are some good sport routes mixed in as well.  Unfortunately, there are no Christmas themed routes, so my recommendation for The Main Wall is Booger Picken.  A 75 foot 5.10d with only 3 bolts and some classic granite “pinches” on slab.  After your done shitting yourself on Booger Picken, head over to Big Rock Boulders right near the parking lot.  Take advantage of the remaining daylight and finger skin to play around on some pretty fun boulders.  Again, no Christmas themed names, but you’ll find 9 boulder problems at Parking Lot Boulders all rated between 3-4 stars!  Just up the trail a little bit you’ll find the infamous Pain In The Ass boulder.  Immaculately named by first ascensionist Brad Caldwell as he landed on a swarm of yellow jackets after the first ascent which promptly stung him in the rump over a dozen times!  What a pain in the ass!

No yellow jackets for you! This is winter climbing, and that means butt safety levels are high.  Now that you had your fun on the rock, it’s time to continue the excitement in Greenville, South Carolina. The Hallmark Charismas paradise!

Country Living magazine ranked Greenville among the top 30 Christmas towns.

“Want to feel like you’re walking around on the set of a Hallmark Christmas movie? Then you’ll want to head to Greenville, South Carolina, where the sidewalks twinkle with lights as Santa’s electric sleigh drives by with an elf in tow. There’s even a miniature outdoor skating rink on Main Street, a “Festival of Trees” competition, tree lighting ceremonies, and more. It’s downright magical!” – Country Living

You get out of the car, you’re smitten by the lights, maybe take a few laps around the ice rink before admiring the poinsettias and life size Christmas postcards ornamenting the expanse.  It’s a winter wonderland, and you realize you haven’t felt this good since you were a child.  Sleigh rides and snowball fights, holiday music and reindeer, what could be better.  Food!  You’ve been climbing and skating all day and your blood sugar is getting low.  You’re about to knock down the next little kid who cuts you off, but you pull it together. You breathe and remember why you made the trip.  As reason prevails, you and the crew head over to Better Than Sex dessert restaurant.

You may want to get some protein but remember, there’s protein in cheesecake.  Also, it’s Christmas time, hot chocolate is a must, and who’s going to have better hot chocolate than a restaurant called Better Than Sex?  No one! Their hot cocoa has a chocolate rimmed glass.  Plus, all their desserts have provocative names and double entendre descriptions, and what is more festive than provocatively named desserts?

If you come with 9 friends and each of you order 3 desserts, you’ll be able to try everything, but if that’s too much, then some tough decisions will need to made.  Don’t get pulled in by the funny names like Berry Bondage, Double Stuffed, and Pearl Necklace, go with your heart and stomach.  If I’m limited to just 3 choices, then I’m going with Winter Sex (chocolate bread pudding), Morning After (Once voted best sandwich in America, this is a brie and chocolate grilled cheese on cinnamon sugar toast served with a sweet strawberry soup), and Naughty By Nature (a strawberry and passion fruit tart noted with hints of fresh lime and vanilla).

The only difference between this experience and an actual Hallmark movie, is that you realize that this is what life is all about.  You don’t need to bump into your high school sweetheart, a person who you grew apart from years ago, and never really liked to begin with, only to find out what really matters.  Because what really matters was right there in front of you all along…messing around on rocks and eating delicious desserts with friends!  Live Laugh Love! 

Location: Greenville, South Carolina “The Palmetto State”

Crag: Big Rock Mountain

Restaurant: Better Than Sex

Distance: 27 Miles