Talking S#!T

Editor’s Note: This article is adapted from a talk given by Carrot at a college symposium. The views expressed here do not necessarily represent the view of theDIHEDRAL.

Last year I gave a talk about radishes, and followed that talk by eating a radish, I hope that trend doesn’t continue this year!

Let’s talk shit!

As you can imagine, there are a lot of different ways to talk shit.  One of those ways is by simply knowing your shit!  Did you know that wombats shit cubes, or that capybaras produce two types of shit?  One that’s similar to most other animals, namely brown and devoid of nutritional value, and another that’s filled with the extra nutrients that were not used during digestion.  This nutrient rich capybara shit, can later be consumed by other capybaras lacking nutritional content.  Examples like this however, are simply shit facts.

A more philosophical approach to talking shit is explored in detail by philosopher Rebecca Roache in her new book For F*cks Sake: Why Swearing is Shocking, Rude, and Fun.  Roache has been exploring the ethics of swearing for a long time.  Drawing the conclusion that swearing is beneficial in communicating, fostering social intimacy, helping people withstand pain, curbing violent impulses, and an important way to gain acceptance and respect.  Given her findings, Roache concludes that we should swear more and not bother using asterisks. 

I tend to agree with Roache about swearing, but when it comes to talking shit, I imagine a different conversation altogether.

When I think of talking shit, it usually amounts to talking about someone behind their back in a way often considered less than flattering.  I think the non-asterisk expression for talking shit is called gossip. While gossip is sometimes considered disrespectful it does play an important role in the history of human interactions.

My grandma is from a family of 17, and her mom, my great-grandma, as she got older would sit in the middle of family conversations just drinking in the juicy family gossip.  In turn, my grandma had 10 kids of her own, and she used to sit in the middle of family conversations drinking in the juicy family gossip.  I’m pretty sure I excelled at school primarily because I never wanted to be the focus of those Saturday morning coffee clutches.  If one of my 70 cousins got in trouble or failed a test, they would get roasted by a bunch of middle aged women sitting around talking shit.  If another cousin got drunk, stole a tractor, crashed into a barn, and started an entire field of hay on fire, you better believe that they would get raked over the coals in this communal gossip circle.  Of course this didn’t just take place in my family, it took place in your family too, and among your friends, enemies, and colleagues. 

When we professors leave the classroom, if you think that the only thing we talk about is philosophy, physics, or psychology, then you are sorely mistaken.  Just like students talking shit about a class, we can talk shit with the best of them.  The same goes for administrators, politicians, priests, baristas, anglers, doctors, and anyone else with a pulse.

To share a little gossip; one of my favorite stories is when one of our colleagues, an English professor, upset with the current political climate on our campus, quit his job in the middle of the semester, just so he could run for the college board, win, and incite significant positive change from within.  I also remember hearing about a post on Craigslist from a student who was sleeping with a married man who used to teach in the system.  She gave his initials and was looking to find out who else he might be sleeping with. At my previous college a faculty member in the English department (why is it always the English department?) was caught having sex with a student in the teachers lounge.  Brazen!!!  It doesn’t stop in the halls of academia, the hook up culture at my climbing gym is impossible to keep track of. The amount of insane information I’ve heard over the years would shock you, it would also entertain you to no end, because people love gossip!

Unfortunately, gossip and talking shit can be hurtful, so why do we do it?

We do it for the same reason that capybaras shit vitamins and wombats shit bricks.  We’ve evolved to talk shit.

Language is a complex and unique skill, and while it can get people into trouble, it also gave us Homo Sapiens an immense evolutionary advantage.  There are several theories regarding the evolution of this unique skill, but at the heart of those ideas lies two complementary explanations.

The first cites the usefulness in sharing information about survival.  Language allows animals to communicate information about potential threats.  A bird squawking or a monkey howling can serve as a warning that a predator is near.  Human language can go a step further.  “A modern human can tell her friends that this morning, near the bend in the river, she saw a lion tracking a herd of bison”.¹  She can describe the exact location and details, then together they can communicate to decide what to do next, which includes anything from hiding, to tracking the lion and taking the bison for themselves.  Fun fact about Bison shit…did you know that a single dung pat can produce over three thousand flies over two weeks?

Anyway…

The second explanation agrees that sharing information about the world is an important aspect of language, but the most important information wasn’t about lions and bison, but rather other people.  Our language has evolved as a way of talking shit, gossiping.

As researcher Yuval Noah Harari puts it “It is not enough for individual men and women to know about the whereabouts of lions and bison.  It’s much more important for them to know who in their bands hates whom, who is sleeping with whom, who is honest, and who is a cheat”.²

Without this new level of social interaction which matured 70 millennia ago our ancestors could not have developed the vast network of human interactions that we are all part of today.  Reliable information about who could be trusted and who couldn’t, allowed small groups to develop more sophisticated means of communication thus allowing far broader means of communication and interaction.

Talking shit didn’t start and end when Sapiens began migrating from Africa in large groups.  We have taken this skill and mastered it to the point that almost all forms of communication involve some level shit talk.  Outside of work and school, think about the majority of your interactions.  How much involves gossip?  Think about your social media, the shows you watch, and even the news.  There is gossip everywhere.

Did you see this morning that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce broke up?  That is essentially useless information, but it’s information that not only causes people to lose their shit, it also brings people together.  Now, in this case, that information is bullshit, but we all know the stir it will cause if ever it comes to fruition.

Talking shit has gotten a lot of people in trouble over the years, but it has also led to the most advanced civilization with the most intricate level of communication that the world has ever known.

Talking shit can’t be avoided, but there are more and less healthy ways to engage.  There is a fine line between spreading rumors and building trust, but that however is another topic for another day.

What is important to note for now is that shit is a part of life on earth. Whether it’s shitting nutrition or talking shit about nutrition, whether we like it or not, we are all full of shit!

1. Harari, Yuval N. author. Sapiens : a Brief History of Humankind. New York :Harper, 2015.
2. Harari, 23.