Ridiculing someone for what they are into is pretty low. I’m all for some good-natured teasing, I poke fun at boulderers all the time, but I hope it’s taken in jest. I actually think bouldering can be really fun, and I hope no one ever takes my jibes as anything other than innocuous and silly. There is a line separating harmless from hurtful when it comes to tastes, and I do my best to avoid crossing it.
One of my most stinging points of empathy is when I see a person share something they’re in to (provided it’s not harming others), only to be met with belittling ridicule. Teens can be merciless when a classmate shows interest in something other than a typical mainstream activity. It’s easy to imagine some kid of any era showing interest in an activity or proclivity that goes against the norm, only to be met with derision.
When we open up and expose ourselves through our interests, we’re vulnerable, and it hurts when people attack our vulnerabilities.
Analytic philosopher and emotivist C.L. Stevenson interprets moral claims like “This is good” as “I approve of this, do so as well”. Alternatively claims such as “this is bad” can be interpreted as “I disapprove of this, do so as well”.
Loosely applied, we can take Stevenson’s claim and apply it to amoral proclamations in a similar fashion. In doing so, we might find support for the idea that claims of taste also carry a moving insinuation. I.e. claims of taste could be said to not only describe our likes and dislikes, but also carry the further desire of acceptance, support, and corroboration.
In short, sharing information about interests, doesn’t simply work as a description of preferences, but also as a call for validation or substantiation on an aspect of one’s personal identity. Understood in this light, it makes sense that in some situations when people minimize, diminish, or (worse yet) deride another’s preferences it can be hurtful.
Not sharing one another’s interests is one thing, it’s normal and encouraged, after all, variety is the spice of life! It is another thing altogether to scorn someone for the simple flaw of being different.
It’s not easy to zig while nearly everyone else zags, and it’s even harder when the zaggers are critical of the ziggers.
A million different examples come to mind. In climbing, there are people who are fond of slopers, or slab, or wearing socks with climbing shoes, or keeping their gates in, and for the simple act of being different, they are rebuffed. Seriously? WTF, you’re mad that someone has the nerve to wear socks? Who cares? Also, good for them, I bet their climbing shoes don’t smell like a decomposing blob fish. Outside of climbing, people are forced to “eat shit” for no good reason all the time. Fans of Nickelback and Guy Fieri come to mind, as well as Trekkies, romance novel enthusiasts, folks who enjoy musicals turned into films, people who play Mancala, Dungeon Masters, toy collectors, black licorice connoisseurs, big hair bands, the list goes on and on.
Assuming a preference is harmless, there is simply no benefit to disparage another’s partiality.
As we often learn in kindergarten, when it comes to taste, don’t yuck someone’s yum!
If you don’t like slopers, or black licorice, or Nickleback, good for you, but to diminish another for daring to be different is mean spirited.
It’s not that we shouldn’t acknowledge our differences, we should do that. I’m simply saying that when we move beyond acknowledgement and into deridement, we’ve moved into something that’s hurtful.
I don’t wear socks when I climb, I don’t care which way my gates are facing either. I don’t like black licorice, or hair bands, but I’m happy that others do, and it makes me happy when others share their interests with me and are accepting when I share mine with them.
You like things that I don’t like, that’s great. I doubt I’ll ever join someone at a Mötley Crüe concert while munching on an onion sandwich and snacking on black licorice, but I like music and I like food, so despite our difference in taste, I can relate.
thedihedral.com 
Excellent and thoughtful post and amen to these sentiments!
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Thank you Terry, I always hope to avoind sounding preachy, so I appreciate the vote of confidence!
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Great principles to live by. Good for you!
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Haha, some days are better than others!
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I like hair bands, but only for keeping my hair from getting tangled in the wind…but somehow I don’t think that’s what you were talking about. As Emily Litella said, “Never mind.”
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When I looked up hair bands, Google returned with something other than I was intending too!
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My nephew was in a hair band, but that was back when he had hair. I don’t know what he’d call it if he was still doing that.
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HAHA!!! That is such a great question, I’m sure there are a lot of former hair band members wondering the same thing!
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Agreed. I’ve always wondered why folks don’t say, “It’s not my preference” and be done with it?
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It’s so simple.
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Kindness seems to be an art, which is strange
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That is so true!
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Sadly, we live in an “us vs. them” world, more than I remember in my life. That said when I was 4 I went to a neighbor kid’s house to play in her sandbox with her and another kid. They said, “What’s your favorite color?”
I said, “Green.”
They threw sand in my face and said theirs was pink and I couldn’t play with them. I don’t know how many times that’s replayed itself in my life. 🤣
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Did you say GREEN? I’m going to have to block you, how dare you!!!
This us/them mentality is so tricky to navigate, especially when it comes to the modern political climate. I know you were only 4 at the sand box, but there are certainly some people who might look at that as a reasonable response to someone liking green, and if we can’t figure out how to get over our differences when it comes to the mundane (not that color preference is mundane) we don’t stand a chance on more pressing issues.
On a side note, whenever I am around someone who views the world in total opposition to my point of view, I usually just try and find common ground on cookies and work from there. Cookies seem to bring people together?
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Cookies are always helpful. Had a tea party with my neighbors. Our politics are not the same. We know it. The most outspoken one — who likes debates and getting fired up — brought up the subject. It was interesting how it was resolved. “Yeah, B’s just a poor old guy.” My neighbor said the same of T and we left it at that. No disputing that they are old and pitiful. The critical thinking textbook I taught from made the wise point, “There is no point disputing personal taste.” It was fun to see a couple students every semester get this suddenly awake look in their eyes meaning, “Whoa.” It also made the lovely point that an argument is a line of reasoning that uses facts and evidence to support a conclusion. That was fun.
Click to access ArgumentClinic-MontyPython.pdf
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That Monty Python bit is one of the best of all time! I need to take advantage of the opportunity to post cool things to my class web-site, this would be the top of the list.
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🙂
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I’ve never been like everyone else…..what I liked, who I liked….what I was interested in….I remember a jr high principle once say to be an engine not a caboose to follow your own path….but well, except for Nickleback….at one time I treated the band as just annoying, then I read a few lyrics…..will not knock others for listening, but will encourage others to really listen….
my biggest problem, I never know when to keep my mouth shut, if I see something just wrong, I point it out…that has cost me some friends, made me others, some that just secretly agreed with me…..
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That principle came correct with that expression, that is awesome!!! I have to be honest, I never actually listened to Nickleback, but I see people shitting on them all the time for reasons I don’t really get. I’ll take a look at some of their lyrics! Thanks for the thoughts Warren!
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