A Pocket Felicific Calculus

Rate how a choice feels along seven dials, borrowed from Jeremy Bentham’s 1789 happiness math, and get a verdict from 1 to 100.

Who’s Bentham?

Jeremy Bentham (1748–1832) was an English philosopher who argued that the right action is simply whichever one produces the most happiness and the least suffering — a theory called utilitarianism. In 1789, he proposed the felicific calculus: a formula for actually measuring how much pleasure or pain something produces, weighed across seven factors — intensity, duration, certainty, propinquity, fecundity, purity, and extent. He took the idea seriously enough that his own preserved body, dressed in his own clothes, still sits on public display at University College London. He figured a body might as well stay useful after death.

What this does

Bentham Bot borrows his seven factors and turns them into sliders. Rate how a choice feels along each one, and the calculator — running the real felicific formula, simplified for speed — hands back a single verdict from 1 to 100, color-coded from skip-it to go-for-it. It won’t make the decision for you, but it’ll give you a number to argue with.

Sends to Snacks!

Bentham Bot doesn't care how big or small the decision is! The same seven dials work whether you're figuring out where to grab dinner or whether to lead that route that's been living in your head. Low stakes: how good does the burrito sound, how long will you be happy about it, how sure are you the place is even open. High stakes: how it'll feel to stick the send versus come up short, how exposed the fall is, how long either outcome sticks with you. Same seven dials, wildly different gravity, Bentham Bot has you covered!