DDBA Official Dirt-Bag Course and Exam

DDBA Official Dirt-Bag Course and Exam.

 Overview

Official Dirt-Bag Certification

 theDIHEDRAL Dirt Bag Association (DDBA) Official Dirt-Bag Course is a fake course that doesn’t actually exist, and so should not be taken seriously as a training program.  But it’s also real and you should inquire for class dates and times.

The ODB course was designed to help capable recreational dirt-bags transition into capable and effective OFFICIAL dirt-bags.  The course focuses on the technical skills required by a dirt-bag as they are applied in all forms of dirt bagging/dirt baggery.  In addition to this, the course addresses the essential educational and environmental tenets required to dirt-bag.  Those seeking certification may go on to take a two day field examination following the course or at any time within three years after successfully completing the course. Certified Official Dirt-Bags are expected to demonstrate the technical and educational proficiencies necessary to dirt-bag at a variety of crags in a safe and effective manner.  While not all students are fully prepared for the certification exam by the end of the course, every participant will have the training to practice and prepare for the ODB exam in the future.

Course Curriculum

 Pre-Requisites for ODB Course

  1. You are at least 18 years old
  2. You have a genuine interest in rock climbing and bumming sharing food.
  3. You can comfortably sleep anywhere and in any position.
  4. You refer to others as “Bro” regardless of gender.
  5. You could go pro, but that life is not for you.
  6. You look at eating utensils as a luxury.

Course Curriculum and Contents

The following is a brief overview of the main points that will be discussed and practiced throughout the three-day course.  Weather or other environmental factors may change the order of the curriculum.

Day One:

  • Introduction to the DDBA and ODB process.
  • Hitchhike to the instructional location.
  • I once saw Fred Beckey ( Fill in the blank ).
  • Preview how to bathe and laundry in rivers.
  • Discuss why your gear is better than my gear.
  • Review proper etiquette for requesting a belay.
  • Wu Tang for life.
  • Mapping out secret crags and when grocery stores discard over-ripe veggies.

Day Two:

  • Discuss how van-life is not dirt-bag-life.
  • Develop the necessary skills to sleep anywhere.
  • Food is for send energy, not for taste. AKA week old bread and sardines are fine.
  • Review how to romanticize being homeless.
  • When is it okay to drink puddle water?

Day Three:

  • Develop the practical skills required for covering up body odor.
  • Of course Old Milwaukee is “real” beer.
  • Bartering with beta.
  • Slack line 101.
  • Review session.

Exam

Two-Day Exam and ODB Assessment Candidate Prerequisites

The two-day ODB Certification Exam may be taken directly following the ODB course if the candidate successfully completes the course and meets the assessment pre-requisites.  However it is highly recommended that the ODB graduate takes time practicing and consolidating the skills learned on the course before assessment.

You meet the ODB Certification Exam Pre-requisites if:

  1. You have successfully completed the DDBA Official Dirt Bag Course.
  2. You have slept a minimum of 40 consecutive nights somewhere other than a bedroom (time spent in yurts/cabins/vans/tents/couches can all be included in the “somewhere other than a bedroom” requirement).
  3. You are capable of comfortably wearing the same pair of pants for up to three weeks in a row.  You will be asked to demonstrate your dirt-bag ability throughout the assessment.
  4. You are capable of making a meal with a lighter, half a can of spam, a bag of ramen, an empty soymilk container and a locking carabiner.

 To gain ODB Certification, candidates must:

  1. Successfully pass the ODB assessment
  2. Hold a current DDBA Membership.
  3. Have successfully peed in a Snapple bottle while driving to the crag.

ODB Certification Upkeep and Recertification

ODB Certification is only valid with a current DDBA membership.  If you let this lapse, your ODB certification is invalid until you rectify this.

ODB Certification lasts for three-years from the date of assessment.  There are two options for renewal:

  • Certified Official Dirt Bags can take the two-day ODB Assessment to renew their certification.
  • Follow theDIHEDRAL

Help improve our class

If you have any recommendations on how to improve our curriculum, course, or exam, please comment below.  The best comments will receive a waiver on the class enrollment fee, a five pack of Old Milwaukee, and a free night on my couch.

 

Carrot
Carrot (Co-writer) theDIHEDRAL

 


 

 

 

 

14 thoughts on “DDBA Official Dirt-Bag Course and Exam

  1. Nora Edinger JOY Journal says:

    You need to add a study of how to charm mid-life moms living near your next expedition site into cooking you a real meal. Visiting a grocery and asking a pleasant lady, “Do you know how to work one these manual can openers?” would probably be enough. You’ll go back to your yurt, van or whatever with brownies if you really play this right. Blessings!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Justin Wallace says:

    I tip-toe the line of Dirtbag. Yeah I quite my job so I can climb full-time. But I made sure to set myself up a bit before doing so. I’ve even got fancy van AND a girlfriend.. I should ditch them..

    Like

  3. halffastcyclingclub says:

    Of course Old Milwaukee is real beer. It’s what my parents used to buy for $2.99/case and drink with my aunts and uncles whenever we went camping. They would drink Old Milwaukee from noon-5, then switch to martinis, because everyone knows you shouldn’t drink before 5 and beer isn’t drinking. Would my parents qualify as dirtbags?

    Like

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