Let me nerd out on you for a second. I know, it’s the beginning of the blog, but it’s only for a second. Give me a break here.
There was a Doctor Who episode that…did I lose anyone? Are you all still reading? Ok, good. There was a Doctor Who episode where he has a fantastic quote about fear:
“Let me tell you about scared. Your heart is beating so hard I can feel it through your hands. There’s so much blood and oxygen pumping through your brain it’s like rocket fuel. Right now you could run faster and you can fight harder. You can jump higher than ever in your life and you are so alert it’s like you can slow down time. What’s wrong with scared? Scared is a superpower! Your superpower! There is danger in this room. And guess what? It’s you.”
Isn’t that a great quote? I love it. Anyway, I’m done nerding out now because for me, that monologue is utter B.S. (Still love it, though)
It may come as a surprise to some considering my IG handle is @chubbygirlclimbing and I write and post, of course, about climbing…that I actually have a fear of heights.
Contrary to what the Doctor said, my fear does not give my supernatural abilities. Oh no. Alex Honnold I am not. On a day that I am feeling particularly anxious, any climbing technique or knowledge I have accumulated flies out the window. I over-grip so much it feels like I did a hundred pull ups once I’m finally down from the wall. I’m surprised I haven’t morphed into a chubby girl with John Cena arms yet.
The bouldering wall gets me too. Very irrationally, I must say. I will jump down from a route instead of making the next move because I’m nervous…I would have essentially been falling from the same height if I had just tried it in the first place-and maybe I would have even made it! Well, I’ll never know. Often, I say, “I felt like I could have done it, but I was too nervous.”
So, after falling gracelessly for the millionth time and mourning over some frenchie fries (y’all gotta know I love French fries by now), I had thought about that Doctor Who quote and how much it didn’t apply to me.
But that’s what rock climbing is, right? It’s not just physical, it’s a giant mental game. The puzzle of getting to the top and fighting that animal instinct of “OH LORD I SHOULD NOT BE UP THIS HIGH THIS IS FOR BIRDS AND THINGS.”
So now that it’s 2020 and we’re all doing goals and things, I want to harness that fear instead of fight it. I want to be Doctor Who-y. I don’t want my fear to get in the way of me topping a route. I should only not top a route cause I really suck at it.
How do I do that? Repetition? Meditation? How do you beat your fears? Tell me-I really want to know!