This quarantine-self isolation thing has the regularly-scheduled me completely out of whack.
My day job as a videographer/photographer has been completely put on hold, and while I have filled that time with other things to pay the bills, it has been very hard for me to go from a place where I was feeling challenged and fulfilled to a place where I am far less intellectually, and physically stimulated. It feels like I’ve been yanked out of my passion, and thrust into a place that I don’t necessarily want to be.
Yes, I know I should feel lucky to at least still be able to work. And I am very grateful for that opportunity. Most of the others in my industry have had to go to lengths far greater than I to get a job to pay their rent. Many have had to rely on their landlords, or the government in order to get by.
But still, I find it harder and harder to get myself out of bed in the morning. I had no idea how much of my motivation to do things came from accomplishing things in my field, making progress in my skill sets, and focusing on where I see myself in the future. Without any immediate steps on the horizon, it is hard to see the path to my future that I thought would always be there.
And so, this time has been a constant internal battle for me. Do I numb my internal feelings and processes with Netflix, video games, or even ‘gasp’ podcasts during my free time? Or do I confront them with curiosity, driven to understand and develop myself?
Unfortunately, I think the former has been winning in the battle. For the rest of this time, I want to take advantage of it. I want to focus on the things I can control. My perspective. The outlook I have on every single situation.
I want to dive in, unafraid, to learn the truth about myself. Learn how to truly manage my feelings rather than letting them be the product of some outward circumstance.
If you haven’t already read this poem by Kitty O’Meara, it’s a good one.
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”
Wherever you are, at home, in the field, or providing some essential service, I hope you’re able to be at peace. I hope you’re able to learn things about yourself. I hope you are able to spend time with those close to you. But most of all I hope you’re safe and healthy.
Thanks, as always, for reading.