This quarantine-self isolation thing has the regularly-scheduled me completely out of whack.
My day job as a videographer/photographer has been completely put on hold, and while I have filled that time with other things to pay the bills, it has been very hard for me to go from a place where I was feeling challenged and fulfilled to a place where I am far less intellectually, and physically stimulated. It feels like I’ve been yanked out of my passion, and thrust into a place that I don’t necessarily want to be.
Yes, I know I should feel lucky to at least still be able to work. And I am very grateful for that opportunity. Most of the others in my industry have had to go to lengths far greater than I to get a job to pay their rent. Many have had to rely on their landlords, or the government in order to get by.
But still, I find it harder and harder to get myself out of bed in the morning. I had no idea how much of my motivation to do things came from accomplishing things in my field, making progress in my skill sets, and focusing on where I see myself in the future. Without any immediate steps on the horizon, it is hard to see the path to my future that I thought would always be there.
And so, this time has been a constant internal battle for me. Do I numb my internal feelings and processes with Netflix, video games, or even ‘gasp’ podcasts during my free time? Or do I confront them with curiosity, driven to understand and develop myself?
Unfortunately, I think the former has been winning in the battle. For the rest of this time, I want to take advantage of it. I want to focus on the things I can control. My perspective. The outlook I have on every single situation.
I want to dive in, unafraid, to learn the truth about myself. Learn how to truly manage my feelings rather than letting them be the product of some outward circumstance.
If you haven’t already read this poem by Kitty O’Meara, it’s a good one.
“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to think differently.
And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.
And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.”
Wherever you are, at home, in the field, or providing some essential service, I hope you’re able to be at peace. I hope you’re able to learn things about yourself. I hope you are able to spend time with those close to you. But most of all I hope you’re safe and healthy.
Thanks, as always, for reading.
thedihedral.com 
Hang in there…I promise it will get better! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
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It’s really difficult for even those people are still in their field of work for which they have a passion (except, maybe, doctors and nurses who don’t even have this luxury). It’s hard to feel any normal emotions when the future is so weird and uncertain and what we’re doing now is not the actual solution to the problem. Even at my comparatively advanced stage of life, when one would think I’d know myself ( ha ha ), I’m learning a lot. Patience is probably a big part of this lesson. Hang in there. The rocks will still be there.
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Martha! You are such a rock for me and this group! Thank you for always encouraging us. Patience is a virtue, but It’s definitely not my virtue that’s for sure. That’s definitely something to meditate on. Hope you’re doing well.
– Casen
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I appreciate you guys so much! I had to learn patience and didn’t know I had until one of my students said, about a decade ago, “I can’t believe how patient you are with us!” and I realized, “Damn, I’m patient. Who knew?” Ha ha ha ha!
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The surreal feelings are legit. As much of a rebel as I am, I still like knowing what to expect out of life. This has been hard. So one thing I’m doing is working out with my two gamer teenagers. Third day so far. They are so out of shape compared to me, LOL! Today we did Sweating to the oldies and it was really fun, for me, haha! I’m an oldie. My suggest is to do whatever helps you cope. Humor is helpful to me. And talking to friends. I’ve actually been eating less, but some are eating more. Hang in there! ❤
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Absolutely beautiful. We have to find new ways to express our passion! It’s frustrating beyond all belief for every climbing gym to be closed, and where I live, it’s too cold to climb outside right now. But it’s given me more time to focus on writing music and practicing guitar. I’m reading books again. Every time we lose an opportunity, new ones arise. And yes it’s frustrating to lose those past ones (even if it is only temporary), but we can learn to have gratitude for the new ones. Thanks for this post! I’m going to share it with some people.
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Quite true. I let negative posts on Facebook bother me yesterday morning and then I realized, while walking Buddy shortly afterward, that I was allowing other people to control my mood. Ultimately, what we think upon is often the only thing we can control.
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Lovely poem…perfect for these times! Sending you all the best!
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Oh we are in a pickle these days. Think of this time period as a rehearsal for retirement. Keep the things that make you happy and intellectually
inspire you. Of course, you have to pay attention to the stuff that puts food on the table but the rest of your time… keep social distancing while documenting spring, your pets, your love of nature or whatever makes your soul soar.
That poem… I found it on a telephone pole a couple of weeks ago. It made me cry because it is so profound. We will be change for the better when we come out of the dark cave we are all in. Let the light shine!! Batgirl
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Great flow of thought! I think this is the best time for those safe at home to do exactly what you are doing – reflect on meaning and realize that it is the future which motivates us, but the present is all we really have X
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This is a great read, thank you! That poem really hits it home, and what we are going through.
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Great poem! I loved it! Hope we can all learn from it.
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Excellent poem with a hope for this dangerous time.
Stay well!
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Casen, what a great poem. It expresses just the way I feel about this situation we are facing as humanity. I think it is so important to stay positive, even if it’s getting harder to get up from bed in the morning, as you say.
Your words are so wise: “…to learn the truth about myself”. That’s exactly what we have to achieve, and I am sure that you will.
Stay safe and keep writing more lovely words.
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I’ve forced myself to get up and do yoga or go for a solitary hike almost daily. But it’s getting harder to do that.
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Yaah.. it is. Nice work.
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At one point u wanted a break and now when we got we just want to get back to our lives.
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Passion is a great motivator and the best replacement for an alarm clock. I pray you are able to return to the work you love – soon! Until then, stay well and focused on those things you can control, like sharing positive messages on your blog. 😊
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It has been surreal being confined to the house. But this too will pass.
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I’m sympathetic to you plight, and your feelings are, I’m sure, shared by millions. While we’re all in the same storm, we’re all in different boats – some more stable than others. We need to reach out to each other, offering hope and optimism, rather than judgement and criticism. Be well, stay safe, and keep posting on this awesome site.
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Wonderful poem, very thoughtful post, thank you.
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