Wooden Clog

Gear Review: Climbing Shoes

Manufacturer: The Dutch

Product: Clog

The Wooden Clog: Where hyperbole meets reality. This is the worst climbing shoe ever made.

In all seriousness, that intro should be the only sentence in this entire review, but readers want reasons, and reviews typically provide.  SO, here is the defense…

They just are!

Dogmatic exclamations aside, and in (more) all seriousness, bad is a relative term, especially when it comes to finding a shoe that is right for you.  Personally, I prefer a soft rubber sole; I like to feel the rock beneath my feet, especially when I’m edging on blade.  Without exaggeration this shoe offers the least confidence I’ve ever had in a shoe’s ability to power off a dime’s edge.

The lignified cellulose sole lacks all aspects of power and provides a level of insecurity that I legitimately never thought possible. I’m not fabricating when I say that this shoe offers zero stretch, so make sure to stay true to size.  The comfort level is identical to buying the most comfy pair of climbing shoes on earth, throwing them directly into the trash and just wearing the box; they lack any semblance of aggression, even beyond a typical slip-on.

Carrot breaking in the Woodies!

The ease with which this slip-on falls off should produce incapacitating fear and paralyzing anxiety for any climber attempting any route of any grade.  For those of you with concerns about environmental impact, this is a fully vegan shoe composed of raw untreated timber and it is completely biodegradable. It is also important to note something about consistency, because the Wooden Clogs are just as useless on the approach as they are on the wall!

Admitting the relative nature of what makes a shoe good or bad, I have to confess that the color scheme is right up my alley…the earthy tone blends into its surroundings both on and off the wall.  SO the next time you’re ready to show off at the crag whether you’re warming up or projecting; wearing the Wooden Clog will assure that you’re the pity of everyone’s deepest sympathies. 

When it comes to climbing shoes, you can imagine all the boxes you would expect the perfect shoe to check.  When it comes to the Wooden Clog you can go ahead and leave all of them unchecked, because this is indeed one of the worst performance shoes out there (Second only to getting your feet caught in a bear trap)!

Recommendation: Low Performance

Specs: Wood

MSRP: Varies depending on region.

13 Replies to “Wooden Clog”

  1. Thanks for the picture! Otherwise, those of little faith might have thought you made the whole thing up. No one I know, but some…maybe some day you can review your bare feet.

    Liked by 2 people

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