I would be lying if I told you that I am going through the most productive time of my life. It would be dishonest of me to make you believe that I am currently in a giddy, motivated, and optimistic state of mind. Do not get me wrong though, as I’ve experienced all of these mental states many times throughout my life. However, these days have been pressing for less.
Post-graduation, unemployment, and isolation have taken a toll on me. Reconnecting with the highly productive side of myself has been a constant struggle. I don’t workout nearly as often as I used to, I barely read any books, and -of course- I have stop researching with the devotion that characterized me. What have I been doing instead, you ask? Instagram, News App, and virtual toxic debates.
Laying out my current dynamic makes quite obvious the reasons why I lack motivation and optimism. Few of the things you experience on social media are genuine, toxic debates are draining and pointless, and news are just… Well, news. It’s okay to tamper with these outlets, but they can quickly backfire if there is a lack of caution. Although my brain craves discipline and rich stimulants, I still embrace all of the distractions.
Getting a brain back on track is as much of a challenge as putting a pair of old sweat pants back on; you know you should, but you kind of don’t want to. Steps have been taken to break bad habits, yet steps have been skipped in the process. Most of my nights are spent scrolling through a social media feed, reading THAT news report, or texting/ranting to my political science cousin -whom opinion I respect the most. Therefore, I am not shy to confess that I have withdrawals, and I give in too quickly.
There was once a time of my life where trail-running was my source of energy and discipline. I was very strong willed and running was a representation of that. Today, scrolling through Instagram, I stumbled upon a quote by german philosopher, Frederick Nietzsche, that read: “He who climbs upon the highest mountains laughs at all tragedies, real or imaginary.” After processing the quote, I recalled those running years. Looking back at the mountain where we had trained always made our 7-hour-long training sessions rewarding. “We are invincible,” I said. “We do not give up easily,” she said.
I guess I should start running again.