Here We Go, I’m Engaged!

Well, here we go. I am officially engaged!

I figured I’d use my post today to let everyone know, and try and get as much pre-marital wisdom out of you guys as possible…

My fiancé and I have been dating now for over six years, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise, but despite knowing this was coming, I’m more excited now than ever to get spend the rest of my life with this girl.

Okay now don’t worry, I’m done with all the mushy stuff. Today I’d like to discuss one important thing about my relationship with my fiancé. I’ve learned what I think is a lot over the course of this relationship, and I’d like to discuss one of those lessons and hear what you think. Unfortunately it centers around something about me that’s a bit embarrassing. And, of course, it involves rock climbing.

My fiancé and I luckily don’t argue too much, but keep In mind, we’ve been together since I was literally 15. So we’ve gotten in a TON of silly arguments. One common one back in the day usually went like this:

We both go to the rock climbing gym to hang-out and climb. I’m having fun for a good while, until I realize… my fiancé is *ironic gasp* not having as much fun as me! I promptly start questioning her about how I can help her have a good time (good naturedly of course) and encourage her to keep trying out different climbs. This continues until I have literally pointed out every climb in the gym for her to try, she’s irritated that I’m pressuring her, and I’m feeling like she doesn’t want to hang out with me. These feelings would inevitably boil over in our little young adult minds into some sort of spat later. 

I think that the overarching problem in this scenario is that I simply love rock climbing so much, and I am a bit too aggressive as I try and share that love with others. My fiancé simply didn’t take to the sport like I did, and instead of realizing that, I tried to push further and further, hoping I could help her find the same love I had found.

I think that was a valuable lesson for me to learn for other scenarios as well, not just those in relationships. I think I do this to myself fairly often as well. Pushing myself ahead to do something that I think will be good for me for WAY too long, all the while forgetting the things that I really need waiting behind me.

One time, while training for the Spartan race I ran a while back, I decided I wanted to try and run a sub 5 minute mile. After literal months and months of running one mile as fast as I could every single day, I was regressing. It’s so important to step back and realize that sometimes, pushing harder isn’t the best way to get things done. A lot of the time it takes, well, time.

When it comes to people, I am learning to step back and let others around me just be themselves without steamrolling them into the box I think they should be in. I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I do this, but it’s just the truth.

Anyways, thanks so much for reading. I would absolutely love to get your wedding/marriage advice and it will not fall on deaf ears!

Casen (Co-writer)

56 Replies to “Here We Go, I’m Engaged!”

  1. Congratulations! It doesn’t sound like you need much advice, since you are learning to listen to your own experience. “Step back” is about as good as it gets. I guess another way to put it is, “Pay attention”–to your dear one, and to your own feelings. Speaking from a 42- year relationship (8 years not married, very similar to y’all)…that’s the best I can offer. L’chaim!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Congatulations! Advice: You two are obviously friends. Stay that way…forever. Sometimes people treat their beloved poorly, forgetting the love and respect due to your friend. Somehow, role playing interferes – some model of father or mother stops the interplay. I have known two couples who were together for years. One couple, after they were married, he became his father and she her mother. Bad combination. They divorced and did not make it a year married. They parted ways. Another couple of similar persuasion endured the same story, so they got a divorce and stayed together without the role models. Life can be strange, yes? My husband and I have been married for 33 years. We have grown closer as the years passed. We communicate better. He is my best friend always. I support his growth as he supports mine. As the years pass, people change. Sometimes the changes drive couples apart because one or both of them are unable to adapt. If you keep your treasured friendship, life together can only get better. Blessings to both of you!

    Liked by 1 person

    ALWAYS TALK, never let an argument stay that way. Work hard and find BALANCE however you have to find it. Try taking classes together, think of me things to do together. Block friends out temporarily of course.
    Play attention to what makes your partner Happy!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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