Continuing with the apocalyptic nature of the current decade, California and Nevada have burst into flames. The Caldor fires that have been tragically burning for weeks had come quite close to encroaching on Lake Tahoe.
I feel for all the people, animals and nature impacted by such a terrible event. The west and Tahoe hold a special place in my heart, so this hit close to home. I hope they continue to see positive progression in keeping these fires at bay.
The whole tragedy got me reminiscing about my times out there, and I realized there are some things I MUST share.
My family has created a lot of ULTRA important must-do rituals surrounding the mountain lake.
…Now when I say it like that it sounds very Koresh or Jim Jones-esque, but I swear I’m not trying to indoctrinate you into anything. I’m just telling you that if you don’t do these very specific things, you will not have a PERFECT TAHOE DAY © …and maybe a spirit demon will give you depression.***
STEP ONE – FREEZE
You MUST go to the lake (I love Nevada Beach, but others like Baldwin or Sand Harbor are acceptable). Bringing food and drink is encouraged but optional. Jumping in the cold mountain lake (without touching it first!!!) is, however, mandatory. If you’re cold, too bad, because you must stay and watch the sunset.
STEP TWO – HEART ATTACK
After you’ve observed the sunset and said goodbye to the lake by tossing some sand over your left shoulder (just because), you must go and get some heart attack/greasy burgers from Izzy’s. This is non-negotiable. Don’t worry though, your heart is pumping EXTRA now that it’s warming up from your ice jump. I’m sure you’ll be fine.
STEP THREE – RIVALRY
Now it’s time to putt putt! But this ain’t no cute game. You better be in it to win it. Head over to Magic Carpet Golf and play so competitively that you alienate all the other families trying to have a good time.
STEP FOUR – MONEY WASTER
You gotta have the juxtaposition of nature and capitalism, so check out one of the many casinos on the Nevada side of the lake. If you’re not into gambling, a well-suited arcade is also acceptable. But you must win something at whatever you do. Either money at the machines or tables, oooor tickets from arcade games that you can trade for one of those sticky hands and a Dum-Dum pop.
STEP FIVE – STARGAZE AND DON’T GET EATEN
Next, stop at Logan Shoals (or your favorite overlook) and marvel at the clear skies (sans fire). You will definitely hear rustling somewhere that will scare the shit out of you as you’re doing this. It’s probably not a bear or a serial killer, but it could be. So, you know. Watch yo’self.
There you have it. Follow these steps and you will appease the Tahoe Gods, you heathens.
**And on a more serious note, if you are at all affected by the fires out there, I’m truly sorry and I hope you’re safe. Stay strong.