Hi, all. @chubbygirlclimbing here. This is not an inspiring post. If that’s what you’re looking for this holiday season, then let me stop you right here. You will not be motivated in the slightest after reading this. Continue on. Look up some encouraging quotes from celebrities. There is nothing for you here.
Now, my disclaimer is done. Story time.
Last July, my boyfriend and I signed up for a 5 mile Thanksgiving Day run.
Let me also preface, not for the value of the story but solely for my own ego, that I have done organized runs before, even a half marathon. I was pretty proud of that one, though it did kill HALF my brain cells. HA! Amirite? You get it? ‘Cause it’s a half…screw y’all, moving on.
Post-quarantine life of 2020 really did a number on my jogging. I did well when we were stuck at home but then we went back to work and it was like I forgot how to balance exercise and the daily grind. So, I committed myself to a race in hopes to gain back some motivation.
Well, I should say, I committed myself AND another poor soul…because I like to hurt the ones I love, I guess?
So, here’s our training regimen in a helpful listicle, written in the style of Kate Hudson’s random articles in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. I don’t know how that’s helpful but…do the opposite, I suppose.
- Don’t Train for Two Months, but download a 10k Training App
For you feel like you did something. Even though you didn’t.
- Drink and Eat Heavily
Because you deserve it. It’s the fall and school just started back up. Man, those kids are nuts. Also, there’s too many great restaurants in Houston you still have not tried. How can you let these icons of nourishment sit idly by?
- Finally Start Training, but Contract COVID a Week Later
Listen, you’ll get mad FOMO if you don’t catch the hottest new virus that everyone who’s anyone is talking about. Sure, you’re vaccinated. Sure, you wear your mask. But, a dozen or so first graders are no match for such precautions. Rest up for at least ten days, baby!
- Order in for Every Meal, Cause You Gotta Now
The virus likes ‘em THICC.
See Rain in the Forecast on the Day Of…Sleep in, but be Happy About it
After all, there will be other runs. ❤