For years we’ve held this notion that there is a direct variation between someone’s climbing ability and their attractiveness. This idea must be considered in a vacuum, because as you know there are times when someone opens their mouth and all attractiveness goes out the window. Multiple variables complicate the outcome. But, when we isolate climbing and attractiveness, an increase in ability seems to correlate with an increase in attractiveness. Strangely, the inverse variation of skill and attractiveness doesn’t seem to hold. That is, someone’s lack of climbing ability doesn’t really seem to diminish attractiveness. This is probably a good thing because all told there really aren’t that many great climbers.
There is a popular trend where a person’s attractiveness is ranked, but then averaged out once additional information is revealed.
Here are a few examples:
He’s a 7 but he only talks about Bitcoin #JustBePatient…
She’s a 5 but grows her own vegetables…
She’s an 8 but sets her calendar according to her horoscope #MercurysInRetrograde…
He’s a 10 but thinks Jan. 6 should be a US holiday #StopTheSteal…
It doesn’t only have to be physical attractiveness, I’ve seen airline attendants rate passengers, teachers rate students, customers rate Uber drivers, people rate dogs, and on and on!
The Passenger is a 9 but uses the restroom during drink service.
The Student is a 10, but her parents don’t “subscribe” to the curriculum.
The Driver is an 8 but he only listens to InfoWars.
Fido is a 10 but he rolls in cat poop.
Today Carrot and High-Clip follow the trend and put our theory to the test…does climbing ability raise attractiveness?
(10 examples from Carrot, High-Clip gives the rating. 10 examples from High-Clip, Carrot gives the rating)
| Carrot | High-Clip |
| He’s a 4 but never sprays beta unless asked. He’s 10 but always sprays beta. He’s a 6 but only climbs with his shirt off. He’s a 9 but he only boulders. He’s a 5 but he sends 5.13. He’s an 8 but he only refers to you as bro. He’s a 7 but he only climbs in the morning. He’s a 2 but he’s a gourmet camp chef. He’s a 3 but has a crag dog. He’s a 10 but can’t be trusted on belay. | He’s a 6 He’s a 3 He’s a 6 He’s a 4 He’s a 9 He’s a 10 He’s a 5 He’s a 5 He’s a 7 He’s a 2 |
| High-Clip | Carrot |
| She’s a 10 but “isn’t like other girls.” She’s a 2 but the best belayer. She’s a 5 but only wears LuLu Lemon. She’s a 4 but loves being a dirtbag. She’s a 7 but never has the guidebook. She’s a 3 but cross-trains. She’s a 9 but is arachnophobic. She’s a 8 but always has an excuse for falling. She’s a 6 but she’s GRIGRI or die. She’s a 5 but can make send braids. | She’s a 2 She’s a 7 She’s a 4 She’s a 8 She’s a 5 She’s a 1 She’s a 9 She’s a 3 She’s a 7 She’s a 10 |
Clearly this is completely objective and validates our initial hypothesis. High-Clip and I are available for further research assignments, provided the funding and lab safety requirements are adequately met. Not sure which additional journals we’ll be publishing our findings, but it’s safe to say that our data will be the basis and foundation for volumes of further studies, research, and scientific exploration.
thedihedral.com 
Wonder why someone that cross-trains goes down in your ratings???
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Just a couple of geese being silly!
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We now live in a world of “optics” rather than substance and this little article just re-enforces a society obsessed with appearance over skill. Reality wise (I’m leaving pronouns out of this, don’t have time for the whole LGBQ2, etc, etc debate) but I am using two males as an example. As a “climbing neophyte” would I prefer a supper out to get some education on climbing from Chris Farley (despite the fact he has been dead since 1997) or Jason Momoa? Most people would choose Jason Momoa even though neither probably know nothing in regards to rock climbing. Selfies with Momoa would be more attractive than selfies with Farley (optics) but there is a good chance neither would have any substantive knowledge regarding mountain climbing. Quasimodo could probably give me better advice, he, at least, did regular climbs to the bells of Notre-Dame. Thanks, another interesting perspective
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Optics sure does play a role very different from the pre social media days. There is a a real micro-celeb feel to it. Celebrities have always had to play that role, but now that celebrity has be democratized to a certain degree, so many more have this pull toward the importance of appearance. It will be interesting to see which direction the wind blow next? Jason Momoa and Chris Farley would be such fun climbing partners, what a team they would have made.
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Sounds like y’all would be so fun to hang out with!
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Haha…maybe one day our paths will cross!
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For a long time I’ve wondered why I attract(ed) mountaineers and why they attract(ed) me. They (in a general sense) are a little, uh, different. Yes, they’re beautiful (to me), but I’m not in anyone’s rating system, I’m sure. Whatever a person’s uh, personal rating system is, you’ve shed some light on it here. Pursue this highly scientific line of inquiry and I’m sure something profound and useful will result.
https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/love-humor/why-you-shouldnt-date-an-everest-climber/
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Great article…I love that list! “Highly Scientific” is what we were going for!!!
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lmao
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god
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