This one goes out to all my dirtbags, hobos, and tramps who are looking for a food review of a hobemian staple. Baked Beans!
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Bush’s Baked Beans, let me give you a little history. A.J. Bush started a modest little cannery in Chestnut Hill, Tennessee, right along the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains.
That’s basically it.
Some guy started canning beans, and the company still cans beans. I don’t love baked beans, but you can’t really go wrong in terms of flavor, nutrition, and price. It’s obvious why beans have been a staple of the dirtbag diet for a very long time. It’s a bonus that AJ Bush started putting them in cans!
Bush’s Baked Beans is a true leguminous empire. They offer 14 varieties of Classic Baked Beans, including Honey Sweet, Homestyle, and Brown Sugar Hickory. In addition, Bush’s offers 5 varieties of Grillin’ Beans, including, Bourbon and Brown Sugar, Steakhouse, and Hot Honey. There are 16 variations of Chili Starters which include multiple flavors of different types of beans such a Red Beans, White Beans, Black Beans, Pinto Beans, and Kidney Beans. There are 35 different options in the Recipe Bean classification, which houses any variety of bean you could imagine including Garbanzo Beans, Navy Beans, Northern Beans, Refried Beans, Blackeye Peas, and for some reason, Hominy. There are 4 flavors of Bush’s Sidekicks which just seem like cans of beans with more complex flavors such as Rustic Tuscany Chickpeas. And finally, there are 4 types of bean dips which revolve around different flavors added to smashed beans.
That is almost 80 types of flavor and bean combinations. If AJ Bush could see us now!!!
Perhaps the great folks at Bush’s Beans are getting a little bored, because this summer they released 3 more flavors to their already extensive lineup. I’m not sure the world is ready, but Bush’s could wait no longer to present us with Dill Pickle, Apple Pie, and Rocket Pop flavored baked beans.
You’re probably thinking one of the following:
- No one asked for any of this please tell me this is a joke.
- I wish someone would try these so that I wouldn’t have to.
- All the flavor of Apple Pie with none of the guilt!
- The ghost of AJ Bush will haunt the nightmares of whoever is responsible for this atrocity and will go on to torment the townspeople of Chestnut Hill, Tennessee for the rest of eternity.
Well, I can’t say much about A, C, or D, but I can help you out with B. I tried Dill Pickle and Apple Pie so that you wouldn’t have to.
Let’s start with the Dill Pickle Baked Beans. I would not recommend these to anyone! I love dill pickles; I eat pickles all the time. They are refreshing, the taste suits me perfectly, they are low calorie, and filling. Eating beans flavored like a dill pickle does something weird to my brain. It’s like looking at pictures of celebrities with upside down mouths. You can recognize the face, but something just isn’t right.
Don’t turn this photo upside down!
I warned you!
That’s how Dill Pickle Beans make my brain feel.
The taste isn’t bad, but please heed my warning, no matter how you feel about dill pickles! Further, there is a green tint to the bean juice that is kind of off-putting. I know that bean juice is kind of gross anyway, but green bean juice will mess with your stomach in unforeseen ways.
Ultimately, I like the concept, I think Bush’s could have pulled off the flavor if it was a little more subtle, but if AJ Bush does in fact come for the people of Chestnut Hill, this is why!
Considering Apple Pie Baked Beans, I wouldn’t say this combination will have many repeat customers, but it wasn’t bad. The first bite is actually very nice, it really does taste like apple pie, however the aftertaste comes up a little short of ideal. You’re smacked in the tastebuds with apple, and a moment later the flavor of bean comes trotting in. The only way to avoid the aftertaste is more beans, which provides another blast of apple pie flavor, but then comes another round of bean. This is a modern example of Schopenhauer’s Hedgehog Dilemma. Our deep desire to relish life is immediately thwarted by the pain, vulnerability, and friction that inevitably comes in the flavor of bean.
In terms of nutrition, Bush’s Apple Pie Baked Beans wins hands down, so, there is that.
| Nutrition Facts | Bush’s Apple Pie Beans | Apple Pie |
| Calories | 160 | 296 |
| Total Fat | .5g | 14g |
| Sodium | 360mg | 251mg |
| Carbs | 33g | 43g |
| Fiber | 5g | 2g |
| Sugar | 13g | 20g |
| Protein | 7g | 2g |
But ultimately, unless you are confined to eat baked beans every single day of your life, I would recommend skipping the bean isle and just get a slice of apple pie.
By the mercy of the Cyamites, I was spared from trying Rocket Pop flavored baked beans, as the grocery store did not carry this abomination. Based on what I have learned from Bush’s Dill Pickle and Apple Pie Baked Beans, I am sure the culinary experience bursting with notes of cherry, lime, and blue raspberry cannot overcome the fact that in the end this firework of flavor is still coalesced with bean!
With confidence, even without trying Rocket Pop Baked Beans I vote NO!
Before closing, I would like to offer the great minds of Bush’s Baked Beans a bit of advice.
Decedents of AJ Bush,
Although you just hit the hattrick of negation, I love your creativity and willingness to implement horrible ideas. That shows real resolve, and if AJ Bush were even half the man I believe him to be, then he would be mighty proud of your new (albeit distressing) summer flavors. My advice is to stick to your guns, and perhaps double down on these flavor combinations next summer as well, although I might suggest adding a twist, by going in the opposite direction. Now that we’ve had pickle flavored beans, let’s try bean flavored pickles. Instead of apple pie flavored beans, can we count on you to bring us Bush’s Bean Pie? And finally, while Rocket Pop Beans are an abhorrent disaster, maybe Bush’s Bean Pops could be the thing that finally unites the citizens of the world in peace!
Thank you for your curiously poor decision making and horrifying summer flavor combos.
Carrot
thedihedral.com 